What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
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