oh god the rape fog is back!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
