He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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