So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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