She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
