honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
