My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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