dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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