I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
