Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
