what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
