and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
