it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
