This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
