if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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