the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
