omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just found a bag of teeth...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
