Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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