carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
