i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Randomize
