I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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