Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
