Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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