K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
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She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
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I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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