even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
