i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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