apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
