I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Someone came in the potted fern
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
