I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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