Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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