There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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