Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
