he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
