could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i will never coherently bang her
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
