bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
