I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
