New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
