dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
