I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
