You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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