and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
