He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
