idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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