wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
