Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
