i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
