I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I look excited, but its just a facade.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
