that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
