I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
