Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
