I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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