Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
