Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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