Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
