I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
