I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
