hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
