when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
