Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
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An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
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After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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