i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
