Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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