if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She's the barista slut.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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